TOL: Thoughts on Growing Up

In that time between dreaming and waking, all walls are down and I am the most vulnerable. All the thoughts that I push to back of my brain find their way back to the front, and sometimes those unwelcome thoughts hit me so hard that I can’t breathe. They swirl around me until I feel like I am drowning. I realize in these moments that life is slipping by oh-so-quickly, and all I really want is for it to slow down. Never again will I be this young or this carefree. I want to hold on to everything I have now. Sometimes I run outside just to look at how green the leaves are; sometimes I sing at the top of my lungs and dance around just because I can; sometimes I stop and think just how precious life is. Growing up means dealing with reality: bills and jobs and rent and all those other unpleasant responsibilities. And maybe I’m just a scared little girl who should gather her courage and deal with it, but it’s just so much nicer being a kid. I want to pause certain days, those days where I laugh so hard that I feel like I am bursting, those days where I am so deliriously happy that I cannot contain myself, and just live in them forever. Maybe I’m in denial. Or maybe I’m a coward. Or maybe I’m totally scared out of my mind. Who knows?

This post is part of a series of blog posts called Thoughts on Life.


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