There are many things that bug me: girls who wear too much makeup, bad frappuccinos, cancelling at the last moment. But one thing that I really dislike is packing.
I am moving in to boarding school on Saturday, and I have so much packing left to do. I keep telling myself that I am going to get to it, but I always seem to put it off. In fact, I am currently putting it off right now by blogging about it.
People tell me that going to a new school, especially a boarding school, means a fresh start. A fresh start? I don’t need a fresh start. I am plenty happy with what I have right now: my friends, my school, my usual routine of doing things. I have found my niche and I’m loath to leave it. Starting with middle school, I have been to three different schools, each time having to start over and make new friends. This new school I will be starting in a week is my fourth. At this point, I am sick of it. I am sick of saying goodbye to everyone and everything that is familiar. I am sick of recreating myself over and over. All I really want is something constant in my life. I have finally found somewhere comfortable where I am happy, and starting at a new school means throwing that all out and starting from scratch. Yes, let’s toss her back out into the cold among strangers so she can have her fresh start! Personally, I think I have had more than my share of fresh starts.
Frankly, I am terrified. I am terrified of leaving home. I am terrified of leaving my friends. I am terrified of leaving my familiar environment. I am terrified of leaving behind everyone I love. So maybe this is why I keep putting off my packing. Putting everything into suitcases makes it seem so final. I feel like I am packing up my life and everything I love and moving on. But why do I need to move on? I don’t want to move on. I don”t need to move on. I am very happy right now with what I have.
I’ve avoided thinking about moving in to a new school all summer. But now, it is coming up soon, and I can’t hide anymore, as much as I want to. I have been playing hide-and-seek for too long, and life is catching up to me now. I would really like to just stop time for a little while and live in these precious last moments of summertime, surrounded by everyone that I love. But no, life will not give me such a luxury. I cannot do anything else but grow up and face everything head on. Ready or not, here I come.