TOL: Thoughts on Moving In

There are many things that bug me: girls who wear too much makeup, bad frappuccinos, cancelling at the last moment.  But one thing that I really dislike is packing.

I am moving in to boarding school on Saturday, and I have so much packing left to do.  I keep telling myself that I am going to get to it, but I always seem to put it off.  In fact, I am currently putting it off right now by blogging about it.

People tell me that going to a new school, especially a boarding school, means a fresh start.  A fresh start?  I don’t need a fresh start.  I am plenty happy with what I have right now: my friends, my school, my usual routine of doing things.  I have found my niche and I’m loath to leave it.  Starting with middle school, I have been to three different schools, each time having to start over and make new friends.  This new school I will be starting in a week is my fourth.  At this point, I am sick of it.  I am sick of saying goodbye to everyone and everything that is familiar.  I am sick of recreating myself over and over.  All I really want is something constant in my life.  I have finally found somewhere comfortable where I am happy, and starting at a new school means throwing that all out and starting from scratch.  Yes, let’s toss her back out into the cold among strangers so she can have her fresh start!  Personally, I think I have had more than my share of fresh starts.

Frankly, I am terrified.  I am terrified of leaving home.  I am terrified of leaving my friends.  I am terrified of leaving my familiar environment.  I am terrified of leaving behind everyone I love.  So maybe this is why I keep putting off my packing.  Putting everything into suitcases makes it seem so final.   I feel like I am packing up my life and everything I love and moving on.  But why do I need to move on?  I don’t want to move on.  I don”t need to move on.  I am very happy right now with what I have.

I’ve avoided thinking about moving in to a new school all summer.  But now, it is coming up soon, and I can’t hide anymore, as much as I want to.  I have been playing hide-and-seek for too long, and life is catching up to me now.  I would really like to just stop time for a little while and live in these precious last moments of summertime, surrounded by everyone that I love.  But no, life will not give me such a luxury.  I cannot do anything else but grow up and face everything head on.  Ready or not, here I come.

-eves
Website: https://owlonabraintree.wordpress.com
This post is part of series of posts called Thoughts on Life.

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2 thoughts on “TOL: Thoughts on Moving In

  1. eves–
    it seems like you’re packing up everything so fast, but those are only material items. remember that you can’t pack up love and care (as corny as that sounds) and that people who love you are only a phone call away. every time you move to a new school feels like you’re leaving friends, but truth is it’s almost a test. which friends will actually care enough to keep in contact? which friends treat you like what you are–gone? i find each school that i move to a new challenge, but i dread too the possibility that it might not always be exactly what i’m looking for.
    -hils <3

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