TOL: Existence

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Who am I?

Why am I me? Why was I placed specifically in this body to live this specific life?

If you think about it, existence is actually a strange thing. How is it possible that me, as a spirit, can see through these eyes and actually exist and be conscious of the fact that I exist? When I was little, I used to imagine a whole population of spirits just swimming around somewhere, waiting to regain an identity after being incarnated multiple times. When people died, I imagined, their spirit floated back to somewhere that was like heaven and waited there until it was their turn to live another lifetime. But they wouldn’t remember their past lives, except for maybe flashes in dreams.


I used to think existence was meaningless. Kind of like the way Albert Camus wrote, using existentialism, I thought that since we all died anyways, there really was no point in anything. Living was a pointless cycle. We went to elementary school to go to middle school to prepare for high school to get into college to be prepared to get a job to earn money to make a living to save up for retirement to die. The cycle, I believed, was inescapable.

But now I see that going through this seemingly meaningless cycle is meaningful. It’s like when I used to enter competitions. You first start out by learning whatever you’re going to enter in, like maybe piano for example, and then final result would either be winning or losing. Let’s just say I always lost. Wouldn’t it have been pointless to play in the first place? A while back, I probably would’ve said yes. But I’ve come to realize that it’s not only about the start and the end, but the middle. Such is also the case for bad relationships. You start out, and maybe it comes to an end. You’re angry. But that doesn’t erase any of the happy memories you had in between (unless it was a horrible relationship and you were just a fool for staying in it).

My point is that the meaning of life is to live. Take advantage of what you’re blessed with and strive to make it even better. Even if you don’t end up changing the world, at least you’ve changed the place around you. Being with the people you love not only makes your world better, but also theirs. So in a way in this large world of worlds, there’s no way a person can’t impact at least one world, their own.

This post is part of series of posts called Thoughts on Life.


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